EPISODE 3: Incubi Radio
INT. WHCL
HEADQUARTERS, SADOVE STUDIO. (NEIL)
Although
appearing identical to its current state to the
countless
other DJs who broadcast their shows daily, the
booth has
a large amount of hidden technology that flips out
of the
walls. This technology allows for the dastardly
incubi
who occupy the station on Monday mornings at 1am to
employ
their ingenious scheme of stealing all listeners'
souls
through the broadcasting of magical music.
Character
#1: Neil Child aka DJ Nosferatu, one of the
devious
incubi who steal the souls of the listeners of his
radio
show through the playing of sinister beats.
Character
#2: Alex Powers aka DJ Fuseli, the other member of
the duo
of incubi.
[The
scene begins with the two DJs seated in the radio booth
at the
top of the tower. Nosferatu stand in front of a large
switchboard, and the pair dance wildly to obscenely loud
music,
Stewrat's "Disagreements"]
[Pausing
with a horrific grin, Nosferatu turns to his
partner
and lowers the volume, so the two can speak audibly]
DJ NOSFERATU
Fuseli, my dear partner in
crime, I
was thinking that on tonight's
show, we should play something
particularly evil that will corrupt
the minds of ourlisteners and
snatch us the most precious of
souls. [Shuffling through a library
of Cds] Perhaps some Eminem or 2pac
will have the desired effect.
[Fuseli
strokes his chin until a wide sinister smile also
forms on
his face]
DJ FUSELI
I could not agree more, [looking
through iTunes] the music we have
used for our last few shows has not
been nearly powerful enough. We
really need something that will
drive the people to madness and
anarchy, and I can think of nothing
better than a dose of some Slim
Shady. [Laughs maniacally]
DJ NOSFERATU
(Placing a hand on his
partner's shoulder in feverish
excitement)
The power of the lyrics referring
to drug use and violence will
surely be too strong for anyone to
resist. Soon every resident of
Clinton will be running wild,
(Sparking a lighter in his
face, so that it is the only
thing illuminated in the dark
room)
burning the city to the ground.
DJ FUSELI
[Rubbing his hands together] The
plot is ingenious, almost as if
Eminem himself was one of our
incubi brethren. Let anarchy rein
and the souls of the innocent feed
us! [Raising a clenched fist in
determination]
[As
"Disagreements" comes to a close in the background,
Nosferatu
fades out slowly using the switchboard, until
there is
silence. He then presses three red buttons to turn
on the
broadcast microphones and points to Fuseli.]
DJ FUSELI
And we're back on Hamilton College
Radio, and we thought we'd switch
things up a little by going to some
Eminem. This is Role Model, a
classic from his debut album,The
Slim Shady LP. Enjoy.
WERTIMER
HOUSE (SYD 1)
The
isolated freshman dorm, Wertimer House, is located on
"east campus" or the "grey side". It is a beautiful
sprawling
Tudor house that was originally a frat house.
[Close-up
of the dorm with the cemetery in the background.
We see
two new students, Sarah Smith, a smart and spunky
girl from
Chicago, and Vlad Dracula, a mysterious and
alluring
exchange student from Transylvania, bump into each
other
uncomfortably in the coed bathroom.]
SARAH
I can't believe how secluded we
are. [Jokingly] If something were
to happen, like an axe murderer, no
one from main campus would even
realize our cult of Wertimites was
missing. [Laughs]
VLAD
[to the side] Yes, it is perfect.
[The sun
is setting once they leave the restroom, and they
are
conveniently looking out of a big window overlooking the
school's
two-acre cemetery. The sun glints off of the
gravestones and obelisks, casting eerie shadows. Sarah
shivers
while Vlad smiles.]
VLAD
[casually] I live next door to a
graveyard at home, so I feel as if
already invited in here. Would you
like to accompany me on a romantic
midnight stroll through the
cemetery tonight? I would love to
show you some of my favorite haunts
amongst the headstones where I like
to ponder life [chuckles] and
death.
SARAH
[Thinking there's no better place
to be alone with a cute boy than a
cemetery late at night] Oh, that
would be so much fun!
INT. SHOT
- MCEWEN BREAKFAST COUNTER 7:35AM (NICOLE)
TRUDY
Oh, hi honey! Can I get you
something else off the grill? [Eyes
Nicole's backpack strangely.]
NICOLE
Um. No, thanks. This looks fine.
[Nicole reaches for a plate, but
Trudy snatches one, plops a
sandwich on it, and scribbles
something on a napkin behind the
counter. She hands the plate to
Nicole and winks. The napkin is
stuck to the bottom of the plate.]
[Nicole
fetches orange juice, becoming momentarily
mesmerized as the cup fills (cue loud juice sloshing
sounds),
and finds an empty table in the corner in the
shade.
She peels the napkin off the plate and reads the
writing:AVS FRONT LINE 5PM PUNCH IN AT 3RD BOOTH FROM KJ
CORNER]
NICOLE
What the hell--
(Nicole glances around and
angrily rips an Anti-Vampirism
Society button from her bag.
Leaving McEwen, she is mown
down by a tall student wearing
an AVS jacket. Stumbling and
swearing, Nicole is joined by
her comrade Michelle.)
MICHELLE
Wow are you all right? She nearly
knocked the vampirist outta you!
NICOLE
[Brushing off]
Three-fucking-sisters..! Yeah, I'm
fine. I swear it's only a matter of
time before those little run-ins
include stakes or shards of glass.
MICHELLE
I know. I heard that Matt Seagull
disappeared from the Dark Side just
last week after chucking one of
those stupid tracker buttons at a
group of AVS cattle. No one's seen
him, or if they have, they're too
scared to say so.
NICOLE
Serves him right. Did you hear that
he asked a vampirist to leave his
suite during a party, just because
she turned down a red drink, and
she and some of her friends were
ambushed on their way home by the
AVS? The Buffers even had people
out on patrol that night, and they
never even saw it happen.
[Silence.
They pass an AVS banner (colors: white and
yellow):
"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer!"
Next to
it: "Roller Derby, only for the bravest and most
zealous
AVS members. Try out today!" They exchange a worried
look, and
the mood sombers.]
MICHELLE
Things are getting bad.
NICOLE
WHCL. Heads down, just keep
walking.
BACKGROUND:
Do NOT make eye contact with
vampirists. Do NOT trust them. Do
NOT travel without a UV flashlight.
Report Buffer sightings to the AVS
Death Squad.
[The
girls quickly pass the studio. There are eyes on them.
Nicole
sees someone in front of the studio doors take a swig
of
something, and a sweet smell drifts over. Cue brightening
of set
and sounds of twittering birds.
NICOLE
(As if in a daze)
I think I'll go get some orange
juice. [Abruptly turns and heads
back towards the dining hall at a
smart trot.]
MICHELLE
But, didn't you just come from
breakfast? [Watches Nicole leave,
mystified, and quickly heads for
the nearest vampire base.]
SCIENCE
CENTER THIRD FLOOR (GRACE)
Setting:
Science center third floor, room at the end of the
hallway
with one glass wall looking out on the woods behind
the
science center. Three students (SAM, JULIA, and HEATHER)
sit at a
large table in the room. I am also seated at the
table.
SAM
Hi, we had a few questions
about
the lab procedure. Our professor
was really vague about some parts
of it. I was walking by her office
the other day and heard her tell
another professor that she thinks
they made a mistake in the lab
design but she had to wait to be
sure...
ME
Well, what did you have to do
exactly?
SAM
We all had to drink this liquid--it
tasted kind of medicinal, we don't
know what it was. We're supposed to
report any effects we might notice
and we'll get more instructions
when the next step is ready. We
think it might be testing the
placebo effect...
ME
(confused)
I guess that sounds plausible.
(under my breath) The usual labs
are nothing like that, though...
JULIA
(uncomfortably)
...But we have actually been
noticing some really weird things
we can't explain.
ME
Like what?
[SAM,
JULIA, and HEATHER exchange an uneasy glance.]
HEATHER
Well, ever since we did the lab in
class, we've all been feeling kind
of strange.
[I get up
to turn on another light, as the room is getting
increasingly dark as the sun sets]
ME
How so?
JULIA
Well, I'm tired constantly.
SAM
There are stretches of time I can't
really remember.
HEATHER
I've been having weird food
cravings at random times.
ME
Wait a second--you guys are
freshmen, right? You just described
college. Did you have any other
questions?
[There is
a long pause, during which wolf howls can be
heard.
JULIA gasps. I turn to look out the window, where I
can see
the full moon. When I turn back, there are three
chimpanzees in the place of SAM, JULIA, and HEATHER. They
scratch
their heads.]
ME
(sarcastically)
Well, I wonder if this could be the
mistake the professor was referring
to... Were-chimps? Really? (with a
sigh) All right, guys, let's go
find your professor.
[I take
two of the chimps by the hand and motion for the
other to
follow us out of the room and down the hallway.]
EXT. THE
BARN (KAT)
[Caroline, Foxy, and Katie are driving down the gravel
pathway
to the barn just as the sun is setting. It is quiet
and
isolated; "Latika's Theme" by A. R. Rahman & Suzanne is
playing.
There is one other car present, Val's big pickup
truck,
which the car parks next to. Music cuts to silence
when the
car stops. The three excited girls get out of the
car and enter
the barn.]
FOXY
I wonder who we'll be riding today.
I would love to ride Dreamy!
KAT
Ooohhh me too, but I'd also be
happy with Svar, as long as it
isn't Nova. I hate riding Nova with
other people in the ring. Waaaaay
too stressful.
CAROLINE
Ugh, I know. I really want to ride
Dakota, too bad Patty isn't on
vacation.
FOXY
I hope we get to jump today! Jess
said Val had set-up a gymnastics
course yesterday for her lesson, I
bet we'll do that!
CAROLINE
(mocking tone) Remember that time I
did the shoot on Stacy and she
tried to escape the barriers Val
had put up and I fell off... twice?
[There is
very little light in the barn at dusk, the natural
light is
all but gone and the overhead lights haven't been
turned on
yet. One horse whinnies loudly, startling his
neighbor
into a responding cry and kick against his stall
door. The
sudden noises startle Foxy, Caroline, and Kat,
giving
them visible shivers]
CAROLINE
(shaking off shivers)
Ehhhhww I'm gonna go see if I can
find Val.
[Foxy and
Kat approach Dakota's stall, it is the fourth
stall on
the right]
KAT
(speaking in a baby voice)
Hi Dakota! What are you doing? What
are you doing? What are you doing?
Enjoying your grains? I have a
little treat for you later, some
yummy carrots; I bet you'll like
those, won't you Mr. Handsome?
["The Shadow of the Past" by Howard Shore starts quietly as
Foxy and
Katie approach Dakota's stall; looking in, it is
clear
that he is behaving strangely, pacing around his
stall,
kicking at the door, rearing and tossing his head
about.
His body is barely visible in the shadows, but his
eyes are
bright red. They step back, alarmed at the strange
sight]
FOXY
(panicked)
Ummm what's wrong with him? Do you
see that? His eyes look red!
KAT
(also panicking, but trying to
hold on to logic)
He looks like one of the Nazg├╗l
horses, you know? All frothy at the
mouth and crazy...
[Foxy
gives Kat a blank stare, then both turn to see
Caroline
returning, looking extremely scared. Dramatic music
becomes
louder and more threatening.]
FOXY
Caroline, get over here, Dakota's
eyes look red!
CAROLINE
Uhhh, guys, I can't find Val
anywhere.
[Exchange
of fearful looks before scene goes black.]
EXT.
CEMETERY (SYD 2)
[When
they step outside at 11:59pm, the full moon is the
only
light guiding their trek, beside the blue safety light
next to
the path. The huge black crows caw and the evil
little
squirrels dart across their path].
VLAD
What a beautiful night: a full moon
for the werewolves to play under,
the bats flitting here and there,
and the ever-engulfing darkness.
SARAH
Definitely, drunk people are so
funny.
(We hear Outkast's "Dracula's
Wedding" blasting from the
Bristol Center and see
students stumbling around,
trying to find their way back
to their dorms to sleep off
their hangovers. She smiles at
him.)
But I assume you're too mature for
adolescent drinking until you pass
out?
VLAD
(chuckles)
I don't have an acquired taste for
beer, but I'm not against drinking
until I pass out at dawn. I could
sleep all day after a binge.
(Vlad strolls contentedly)
This is a glorious night. I can't
wait to see my old friends: Samuel
Kirkland, Indian Chief Skenandoa,
and the Nobel Peace Prize winner
Elihu Root.
[Sarah
giggles and steps past the boundary of trees into the
cemetery
with Vlad close on her heels, breathing down her
neck,
while a dog howls in the background.]
EXT.
OBSCURE LOCATION
LOUIS,
master of the occult, and KYLE are walking around
campus at
night. Louis is talking, per usual.
KYLE
(voice-over)
I always knew I was the chosen
one.
LOUIS
...and that's how I did that. Boom!
(Several awkward seconds of
silence ensue.)
It's time I let you know the secret
of our little outing: I can't train
you every night, I'm a senior and
I'm working on my thesis, which, as
you know, is about... (prattles on
about mathematics, optimization,
and game theory.)
KYLE
(Voice-over)
I just didn't know how chosen.
Kyle has
an unenthused, "here-we-go-again,
heard-this-all-before" look on his face. Louis notices, and
quickly
changes subject.
LOUIS
More importantly, you must know why
Hamilton's Anti-Demon LeaΓÇö (several
drunk students walk by, and Louis
quickly switches the name)
ΓÇôKorfball team
needs you: (with
emphasis) you're my protegé.
Suddenly, JESS, a crazy but sensual
scientist, appears.
She's not
exactly a member of the Korfball/Anti-Demon
League.
JESS
(Derangedly) No, he's my protegé!
(Awkward pause)
Minion. I mean minion. ...(Jess
approaches Kyle, attempting to take
him from Louis.)
LOUIS
He can be my protegé
and your
minion at the same time.
JESS
... (glares)
KYLE
(voice over)
Or how much work being chosen would
be.
LOUIS
Kyle and I've been going through
all this training & preparation...
It's a beautiful set-up--I mean,
who would want to play Korfball
anyway? Perfect cover-up for our
"Scooby Gang". We even used it to
get college money to buy occult
artifacts under the pretense that
they were adult-themed prizes for
a
beach party which got stolen during
the party--which is such a
ridiculous thing to have happened
that no one is going to question
it....
JESS
We've been... Planning on shopping.
KYLE
(dramatic pause) So when are we
going to actually fight some
daemons?
LOUIS
I hate to break it to you Kyle...
but most of the people who wander
Hamilton at night are just drunk
students. We're not on a Hellmouth
like Buffy was, after all.
KYLE
(voice-over)
Excuse me. How little.
THE
ENDING - PICTURE OF CHAOS AT HAMILTON COLLEGE
FIN
written & performed by Kyle Burnham, Neil Child, Nicole Hofer,
Katherine Levinton, Sydney Levy, Grace Parker Zielinski
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